military aviation jokes military aviation jokes

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. 11. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. We recommend our users to update the browser. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Fish Food. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. 3. 4. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Marine: Wait, stop. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Read more. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Because the Army needed heroes too. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. Anecdotes 2. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? A LOOtenant! How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Thats Daddy. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Now, lets try it again! A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. The INFANTry! Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. 12. Then one day I couldnt find it. 33. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Do you have change for a dollar? Why were the Marines invented? SUB sandwiches! But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. 32. Altitude is life insurance. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Aeronautical Humor. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Eternal Piece You the eighth, the old Marine answered. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? ! Again, no reply. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Air Traffic Control 6. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. The other replied, Not me! I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. 2. We have one or two in here! Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. 5. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Reluctantly, he showed it to me. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Why? I asked. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? March forth! Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. When Is Military Appreciation Month? When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Me: Hello? Hey, Im from Chicago too!. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. 7. You had tents?" We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Attention! Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Gary Toohard. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. (Hang up. How tough? Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. (pointing at the sky). His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. . He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Pizza de Resistance Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? "They're all mine. Want more amazing military jokes? These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Rodrigues there? However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Individual use is by implied consent. He nodded. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Co-Pilot: What?!. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. Even his son turned up. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. There are many branches of the military. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Military jokes! Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. Thanks.. 30. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Aviation Humor. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. A drill serGENTLEMEN! In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. They know how to take up space. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Eat up! A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Marine: Wait, stop. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? And )second The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? [Answered]. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. 9. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. What did you do? Rodrigues there? She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? I was very nervous, she said. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? What did one panicking sailor say to the other? You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. She told me she warships them. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? He had the same plane as yours. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. 54. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. What do hungry Marines eat? He then made his way to my side. The tenant shook her head. This is really good, he said. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. She also liked her scotch. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. How old are you? a tenant asked. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, with someone braver than you.'. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. At least SEVEN Cs! Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? 65. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 36. Divert your course NOW! For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. 28. Dad got quiet. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. Auld Lang Slice We were a tough group. I was the cook.. Nothing, she said. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. But yours is.. Me: Hello? The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Of course, he responded. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! 1. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. 6. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole.