my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. I have the sex drive I had when I was 20, and I feel like me again. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. . He is overly stressed from work. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. In my is own skin. He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. But you cant fix a problem if you dont know the cause. Still, feeling like your wife doesnt want sex anymore? It will make you horny as hell, however. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. Mens sexual needs are purely physical and need to be fulfilled regularly. Yeah. Hi, Nice advice. I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers,join Joans mailing list. Before I married my second wife, Vicky told me she made a terrible mistake, still loves me and wanted back. She has absolutely no interest in it. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. So these women that men here are complaining about, it may just be the attraction towards the man is gone! Im in my 70s now and dont care any more, hes retired and works in his shop on cars mostly. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. If you notice intimacy is fading from your marriage, heres what to do when your wife wont touch you. Im in the same boat. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. He has no interest. I asked her to consult with her doctor about her sex desire and they may prescibe hormone therapy. Youre not alone. He thinks that his low testosterone is the cause of his actions or lack of. My biggest problem is that my wife is very, very against porn and at my age I cannot attempt to relieve my tension without it as a point of focus. Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. I honestly dont know what happens to men as they age. As the years tick away, I am reminded of going to sleep in one anothers arms, morning sex, spontaneous make out sessions and feeling desired. He is older than I am but even when we were younger, he was like that. I really just want to be wanted the way I want her, sexually or not, to just be valued as a committed, loving husband. You have made a commitment to one another to do more than go through the daily grind or process of pretending to have a mutual satisfying relationship when in fact, you are simply roommates! Be true to yourself, and your children. After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. Even before this, she told me she does not want to nor have any desire for sex or intimacy with me or anyone. State your case, either put out or leave me get some on the side, because you dont care. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. I suggest to you what I advised Frustrated see a therapist right away. Turns out childhood trauma caused me to have an attachment disorder which in turn caused subconscious intimacy anxiety which would then cause me to suffer from severe sexual dysfunctions which turned out to be unfixable. Food, sleep, sex. I cant do that, divorce right away. She wont talk about it and claims she desires no intimacy. If he wont go, go on your own to express your feelings fully and evaluate whether you want to be in this marriage and, if so, what can be done to improve it. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. And I still dont even know why! You have to find a life without him. And sadly that is not my situation. Hello David, He is absolutely wonderful father and husband. However, if both partners are not okay with a sexless marriage, your relationship wont survive. I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! Its been a slow process in development, heading to the place we have arrived in our relationship. He is selfish, lazy and quite frankly a self absorbed narcissist. If your wife feels less overburdened with household responsibilitiesand sees you making an active effort to take on your share of the loadyou might find she has more time, energy, and interest in sex. I have tried to keep myself in shape, etc., and he is certainly in fairly good shape too. Cheating just isnt in me. Its dinner cooked and eaten together, with enjoyment on both sides. Between her legs the next time.4, stop watching porn if you know this makes her feel uncomfortable as we all know when men watch porn that will lead into you not being able to get it up for her because you have been watching photoshops porn and all you want is that fake lady so you go out and cheat on your wife then come home and accuse her of cheating and thats why she is not having sex with you. The one thing she always wants when she touches me is that I come on her tits.which I love. Really? We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. My husband has showed be very no closen in for years. Not easy for her to open up and talk about thingsbeen that way all of our married lives..43 plus years. Why do you think Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got divorced?? Take care. "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. Women love that. Anyway, I think when one person in a marriage comes to the point my husband is at and apparently yours is too a therapist is really the only answer. . I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. She has become a roommate and a friend, but not a wife that gives me the joy and love we used to have. LoL. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. It could mean that your wife is experiencing changes in her mental health or there is an unresolved issue in your relationship. There were a lot of issues toward the end of our marriage, and we divorced. I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. I actually considered early in my marriage that my husband might lean toward being gay and thats why he was somewhat uncomfortable having sex with me. It Might pass , 45 is menopausal years and I was once told by a friend older than me at the time that it can be like a light switch once you are through menopause and that can be true because what drives sexual desire , it has much to do with hormones and post menopause or during, a women losses a tremendous amount of hormones and hormone replacement ( they will many x use birth control for that) makes one sick or intolerant and I have read many articles in the past that hormone replacement can put one of high risk of cancer in older women, please I am far from a Dr. not even close, but this is what I have gathered along the way. I am 52, married for 25yrs and sex has dwindled down to once every year or two. I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. Zimmerman also recommends getting some time away from the kids regularly so that you can re-immerse yourselves in your identities as individuals and as a couple outside of your roles as parents. Quite frankly, I feel like he has been and is being cheated. Reading some of the commentary I can identify with the concerns.I fantasize frequently about past relationships and what might have been but I only become sadder. Childbirth is a life-altering experience thats not just hard on a womans body but also her mind. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. Having said that, I understand your frustration too. How about finding self-worth in volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen? Or simplify it by bringing home her favorite wine and dining on your patio after the kids are in bed. I felt like she just gave me away to anyone emotionally and physically. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. When women feel used and men dont ever reciprocate, of course they lose interest. Im over 60 and Im learning to accept this is the way life is going to be for the rest of my life. This isnt totally new for him either. 8 reasons why your wife never initiates intimacy, 5 things to do if your wife never initiates intimacy, My wife never wants to have sex 8 ways to initiate intimacy, 15 Things A Woman Can Do to Spice Up the Bedroom, How to Have Better Sex in a Marriage: 20 Helpful Tips, 30+ Best Sex Tips for Women That Drive Men Crazy, 30 Hot Sex Games for Couples to Play Tonight, 10 Helpful Tips if Youre Tired of Initiating Intimacy, 5 Benefits of Maintenance Sex for Relationships and Marriage, How Physical Relationship Before Marriage Affects Your Relationship, How Relationship Coaching for Men Can Transform Your Love, 30 Traditional and Modern Anniversary Gifts Year by Year, Relationship Bullying: Meaning, Signs and What to Do, 100 Romantic and Funny Questions to Ask Your Husband, Top 100 Wedding Registry Ideas That Can Make You Happy, 100+ Inspirational Womens Day Messages for Your Wife, 50 Fun Things For Couples To Do At Home When Bored, 100 Best International Womens Day Quotes for Your Lady, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, Sexless Marriage: Reasons, Effects & Tips To Deal With It, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); Love and mutual respect must be the basis for any human relationship. Every study I have ever seen says its over twice as likely for the woman to be the one withholding. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! No sex for about 20 years. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. We are starting to fight a lot and twice I heard him on the phone throwing me under the bus to someone. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. I told her that men my age generally took longer to orgasm and for sex to be mutually enjoyable, we both needed to have pleasure. Seems like you do not really love your husband any more. I dont think I would like my son or daughter tell me what to do in the bedroom. If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. Look, not to give your hubby a pass here, but please, understand that most men in our country, we who were raised in the 50s. bcb 4 Things to Teach Your Kids to Stand Up For, 5 Things Teens Need But Wont Ever Ask For, 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood, 20 Great Conversation Starters for Great Marriages. We had an active sex life and I miss the physical part of our lives. For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. I realize this rant may seem to be about my needs, but I think I deserve the right to a fulfilling life. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Join us online to gain access to exclusive benefits and opportunities only for Senior Planet Supporters! . Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. I wish you the best. God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. No love no sex. 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, I am beginning to think that we are supposed to get old. My wife avoids intimacy a vast majority of married men live with this nagging feeling, sometimes for years on end. We havent had sex in months. Perfectly happy and have intention to change it. All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. Underlying medical problems A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. There are many reasons. Sexual intimacy is kissing, hugging, touching, petting, laying baked, masturbating one another, oral sex and that look of intensity that tells you that you are desired. Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. Life is definitely funny. The comments given above is very true. But on the other side Id the coin, Im dying for not having any kind of touch. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. I in the same boat as your husband. What shallow view of the problem. Its ridiculous. Most dont ever have this figured out. Maybe you've started treating your wife differently, toomore likely a mom figure even to you, and less like a wife and lover and sexual being. He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. Showing discomfort is a telltale sign that your wife isn't taking foreplay positively. Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. That leaves us with so many perverts running around today inept at forming a real relationship, fantasy is in sadly. Life is way too short! "Anatomically and physiologically, decreasing estrogen and just plain aging cause potential problems for our libido," Hardwick-Smith writes in her book. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. I hope you two can work it out. Like Nike says, just do it. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . The wife never initiates physical contact if shes unhappy with the strength of the relationship, says Gopa. We still find a way a couple of times a month, but it took my husband a long time to not feel he was at fault. Get our newsletters to make sure you never miss a thing! After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). What to do about it: Learning to love your own body is a personal journey, so this isn't really something you can fix for her just by giving her compliments (though that can certainly help!). Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! I cannot hurt him. I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. I see a divorce in the near future. You're focusing too much on just the sexual aspect of . Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. Been sleeping in separate beds since surgery. 5509 W. Gray Street, Suite 100Tampa, FL 33609(813) 222-8300, Copyright 2022 Family First, INC. All Rights Reserved.Site Design by Design Extensions, 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her. Pls look this up to see if this is you. You definitely dont get it. Gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, PCOD, uterine fibroids and pelvic pain can make it difficult for women to enjoy sex. Its not an option. Our marriage still isnt consummated, and this grieves me as I yearn to be loved in this way. It has worked for me and I highly recommend it as an alternative to just giving up. We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. The first step toward addressing this oft-tricky issue is to understand why your wife is acting distant and avoiding being intimate with you. I think my wife [67] realises that with my having ED she no longer has any potential competition so isnt obliged to have sex because I wont be strayingand I dont want her to feel obliged,thats as bad as no sex,so the answer, literally, is in my own hands, my husband has done too many drugs and cant get it up its been six years i need sex. You bet. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. But the giving up on relationship and each other is what happens. Shes not. If physical intimacy is missing and one partner is complaining about it, you know theres something going on. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. Cheers Rl. But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. In the room. My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. My 20 year marriage imploded because my husband completely lost his testosterone at age 55. The scenario you posited is anything but. If I threw a fit, she would allow it but Buck is correct, who wants to have sex with someone who is repulsed by the act of sex. Juggling household and professional responsibilities single-handedly is no easy feat. So we settle. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. Addie However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. Also shes happy without sex after her hysterectomy and gal bladder surgery. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. But they can FORCE their partners to NOT have sex and No one seems to want to talk about that. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! Ive moved on!!! It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. You have no idea how ignorant your statement is. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. Every month Senior Planets award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. If you love him why cant you help him be happy a few times a week I dont get that part, it is just a little bit of your time and you could set all the rules or boundaries of what you are and are not willing to do. But I still feel that my wife is my one and only best friend and while I may be frustrated , I will always hold that more dear than anything else. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. First, do not deny your needs any more than you would deny yourself your favorite food, movie, book or music. The question is, will we accept that fact, those facts, and act upon them in honorable fashion.? Get your answer. Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. Please go find someone else to enjoy sex with if you can. My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. there is NO physical connection PLUS no sex. my dad is 85 years old and my mom is 5 years his senior at 90 years old. My wife is 61 and Im 57. What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. U have no choice but to leave!!! So I know him well, this is extremely painful and heartbreaking. Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. My sexual desire just stopped. Haha Im not going to belittle my husband and make him feel less of a man when he is the one with impotence. I get angry, then sad and depressed. My career came to a halt after my illness, due to a stigma related to my heart problems and brain surgery. She is BI/Sexual she said & needs a women or two..So that leads me to find some one else or join in that the only way i get some sex from herSo Monica & Pamela Start looking for some Bi/sexual or Gay Women.Their only an Orgasm a way!!! Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. The good news is: there are plenty of ways to banish problems in the bedroom and rekindle the fire with your wife. You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. I hope this is helpful to someone. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. Men, if you want sex and the answer at home is no, you can accept that the last time you had sex will be it until you die. Be a fuckin man. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. He is impotent due to hydrocele and he plans to have surgery until hes 65.